Picture of Janie

Picture of Janie
REAL TALK

Friday, May 28, 2010

Pretending

This word has been resounding in my mind for months, but I've had no desire to approach it or write about it for many reasons. Perhaps I didn't want to look at how I'm a pretender.

As I was sitting on my swing drinking my coffee, I noticed the beautiful little house sitting across the street. It is empty now. During the winter months when I would awaken with the birds, or before, there would be smoke coming out of the chimney, lights on, I could even see the television on. Somehow it brought me comfort that someone else was awake at 3am in the morning. I wasn't alone.

What I didn't realize at the time this elderly couple lived there. The husband could barley take care of his wife who had dementia. But, yet I would see the same things every day. Who really knew what was going on in there world? I certainly didn't. I just enjoyed the benefits of what I saw going on the external.

One morning, it was all gone. The smoking chimney, the lights and television on, and I asked my daughter, where are they? She explained that they had to be taken to an assisted living home. How was I to know? I just lived in my "pretend" world" enjoying all the benefits of it, not getting involved.

A fellow blogger presented a post on someone being a buddy. That hit home to me. A buddy who knew everything there was to know about you, but just walked beside you accepting who you were, holding your hand.

How many of us know who the people around us? Family, friends, face-book friends? Not many I'm sure.

No one knows who Janie is. You know what I comment on, some of what I've shared on my blog, but the guts to really be honest of what's going on in my life just isn't there. I'm not trying to imply we pour our hearts problems to everyone. All that I do know is that I don't want to pretend anymore, to whatever degree that is.

There is a site I visit as often as I can. JBR, "Just Be Real." Now that is someone that I can relate to and have respect for who just lets it out. All the pain and agony she has endured, and screams it loud and clear. Every time I visit her site, as a result of us going through so many similar circumstances, all I can say to her is, "I know...I understand."

There has to be some form of healing in this process. I have not arrived. I still keep most of it inside of me. But, my goal is to be real, and just say it like it is.

32 comments:

  1. Janie, thank you for sharing such a wonderful and "real" post. I do know that you certainly can relate to what I am going through. With that, I am sorry that you have this pain as well, but glad that there has been some healing in you.

    Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Janie,

    My dear fellow friend... You know you can talk to me anytime you want. :)

    Aren't we all just pretending a bit? I have a million thoughts running through my head right now. Look for a blog in the future about this topic.

    Prayers and blessings to you...

    Duane

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for stopping by a commenting.....too many similar childhood experiences, that it's eerie, that's why I can relate to so much you write about.

    Duane,
    The answer to your question? A resounding YES. Looking forward to reading your blog on this subject. Thanks not only for commenting, but your invitation to talk to you about anything I want. You are so kind. Janie

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Janie... lots of good thoughts here. Most people aren't real so much of the time. As you say, we don't necessarily have to spill our hearts out to everyone, but it is important to be honest and authentic...there are just some people we choose not to be as open with.

    I can't remember who said (or wrote) it, but somewhere I heard that for us to truly become the type of people we want to be in Christ, we have to be honest about who we really are right now. I think when Jesus finally comes and we're transformed to be like Him and live with Him always, the change will be complete that the REAL us will be exactly the same as the person we should be. In the mean time, I do think it's important to be as honest as we can be to ourselves and the brothers and sisters God places close to our hearts. As God leads us, bringing everything to the light can only serve to start getting rid of any darkness that is troubling us, and God Himself will work His wonders in molding us more and more into the vessel He created us to be.

    Thanks for striving toward realness with me...and for listening/reading to my efforts at being real with you!

    Love to you, sister. You are always in my prayers. (and I'm about to send you a message...)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Friday greetings to you dear one. ((((Janie))))

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sunday greetings to you dear one. love, jane

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a wonderful post that I really related to. God has been prompting me to be more transparent to others. I built a lot of walls in the past for protection. But now that He is my protector I don't need them. He has been breaking them down - it is incredible how much more free I am today and I know He will continue you the work He has started.

    It's in the realness that we truly connect, encourage, and inspire one another. For me I also would hold back at times out of fear or pride - but God has been showing me that is all in my head. It is a journey, but I feel it is one God desires to take us on. If we are filtering ourselves then we may be filtering how God wants to use us in someone else's life.

    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  8. Rachel, Thanks for your response. After writing this I really started looking at how I am a pretender. It's amazing how when you write about something, the light starts shining on that very area you're writing about!

    I agree with you that's it's in the realness that we truly connect, and it is a journey, a long process which is based on fear I believe.

    Thanks to be to God that He promises to finish the word He has begun in us! Janie

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thinking about you dear one.....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Here I am, Janie, a wee bit tardy in commenting. This was a very thoughtful post. I call it "hiding behind Social Masks" and have blogged on similar thoughts. No one can really know another person completely - we would be walking around as shredded exposed nerves & emotions if we didn't employ a bit of screening and buffering. I don't think it's necessarily a wrong thing for you to have enjoyed the public view of that lovely house across the street. Perhaps that impression you drew on your end was meant to bring those moments of peace and clarity to your heart! We never know how God/Universe chooses to communicate to us, after all. Think about this, my friend - in your waking hours, you gazed upon an outward picture and chose to see beauty and positive things. That speaks VOLUMES about you as a strong, positive, beautiful person! That is one of my favorite things about you, Janie-love! <3

    ~ Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks for reading Dawnie. Your comment "walking around as shredded exposed nerves and emotions" was so true. I have many favorite things I love about you Dawnie love. Janie

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for more hugs. They are the best and returning the hugs to you my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  13. J.B.R.
    thanks for always stopping by to let me know you are there. love you my friend

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thinking about your Jainie. Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Glad to see you are around still Janie. Been praying for you dear one.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Came by to give you a ((((((Janie)))))

    ReplyDelete
  17. haven't even checked my blog in months, but it's always so wonderful to see your name and your sweet messages. xoxo janie

    ReplyDelete
  18. Janie, I think and pray for you often!!! So glad that you checked in dear one! You too have been truly missed!!!! (((((((((((Janie))))))))))

    ReplyDelete
  19. love you and your blog. been so busy lately, haven't had a chance to check it out, and haven't blogged myself since may 28th! thanks for leaving your notes to me. they mean so much. xoxo janie

    ReplyDelete
  20. Came by to say, "hey thinking of you dear one and praying." Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  21. (((((Janie)))))
    Here thinking about you dear one.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi J.B.R. thanks for stopping by and thinking of me. i'm back. want to catch up on your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Glad to see you. Think of you often.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thinking about you my friend. ((((Janie))))

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm smiling....hoping to see a comment from my dear friend and here it is! I sent you an email to your aol address and hope it goes through. loving you xoxo Janie

    ReplyDelete