This word has been resounding in my mind for months, but I've had no desire to approach it or write about it for many reasons. Perhaps I didn't want to look at how I'm a pretender.
As I was sitting on my swing drinking my coffee, I noticed the beautiful little house sitting across the street. It is empty now. During the winter months when I would awaken with the birds, or before, there would be smoke coming out of the chimney, lights on, I could even see the television on. Somehow it brought me comfort that someone else was awake at 3am in the morning. I wasn't alone.
What I didn't realize at the time this elderly couple lived there. The husband could barley take care of his wife who had dementia. But, yet I would see the same things every day. Who really knew what was going on in there world? I certainly didn't. I just enjoyed the benefits of what I saw going on the external.
One morning, it was all gone. The smoking chimney, the lights and television on, and I asked my daughter, where are they? She explained that they had to be taken to an assisted living home. How was I to know? I just lived in my "pretend" world" enjoying all the benefits of it, not getting involved.
A fellow blogger presented a post on someone being a buddy. That hit home to me. A buddy who knew everything there was to know about you, but just walked beside you accepting who you were, holding your hand.
How many of us know who the people around us? Family, friends, face-book friends? Not many I'm sure.
No one knows who Janie is. You know what I comment on, some of what I've shared on my blog, but the guts to really be honest of what's going on in my life just isn't there. I'm not trying to imply we pour our hearts problems to everyone. All that I do know is that I don't want to pretend anymore, to whatever degree that is.
There is a site I visit as often as I can. JBR, "Just Be Real." Now that is someone that I can relate to and have respect for who just lets it out. All the pain and agony she has endured, and screams it loud and clear. Every time I visit her site, as a result of us going through so many similar circumstances, all I can say to her is, "I know...I understand."
There has to be some form of healing in this process. I have not arrived. I still keep most of it inside of me. But, my goal is to be real, and just say it like it is.