Here's some real talk from me. I'm new to this blog sight, so bear with me. I must admit it's a little on the scary side. Real Talk is my blog title, and that is what you will get. I can only hope it helps someone else out there.
The word that comes to mind is "Authentic." One of Webster's definitions is "true to one's own personality, spirit or character".
One can not hide nor run from who they are and what they have lived through in life. It makes us who we are. I for one have been through many trials in my 57 years. For example, married for 33 years to a very abusive man.. Co-led a group for women in abusive relationships for several years. Finding myself right back in an abusive relationship after divorcing my husband. (looking at that one for sure) and FINALLY making the decision to divorce after my four children had flown the nest.
Two of my adult children have been addicts, and both have had two suicide attempts. One of them, my youngest daughter, is still on a methadone treatment plan and has been for over 6 years, and has been involved with her significant other who is very abusive and I feel is a narcissus.She has one child and he gets to see how abusive men treat women and has started to act out the same behavior. I am not here to pass judgment on this man she has chosen but these are just the facts. He has beat her severely on many occasions and constantly has hurtful abusive comments flown her way. I have had him arrested at one time for knocking her unconscious. Thank God I am in the "letting go" process and knowing she is the one to make the decision to leave. Believe me, I know the pattern.
My youngest brother died from alcoholism in his early 40's. I am a recovering alcoholic and have depression/anxiety disorders. As a result of pushing all of those tragic events undercover found great relief for numbing the pain I was in. When one stuffs, it always comes out physically, mentally and emotionally. It is now time to face life on life's terms without the using of alcohol and begin to acknowledge what Janie is feeling andwhen she is feeling. Scary thing for me since I've been doing the other most of my entire life. Therapy has helped with that....
I just receive a d.u.i. and my next court date is December 29th. I am, of course not sure of what the outcome will be, but that's another one of those things I put in my basket at God's feet and ask for His grace and mercy, which does not mean I am not taking full responsibility for my bad choices and the consequences that go along with those bad choices.
I am involved with A.A. and N.A. and acts of service. I have a good spiritual life with my Higher Power which I choose to identify as God, and He has helped me and continues to do so every waking minute of my day.
I do not say all of this to get pity from anyone. I certainly do not pity myself. I am just letting you know just a little about this Tennessee woman who is now living in Minnesota with her daughter and family. Many changes have taken place in my life and I for one do NOT like change. But, this has been very good for me. It has saved me from myself. It has saved my life.
My theory in life is honesty is the best policy; not only to yourself but to others. How can we live while we deceive ourselves and live in a pretend/fantasy world? I require that of myself and desire that from those around me.
I love people. Can't help it. Maybe it's some co-dependent thing in me, but I have always been drawn to the underdog who no one notices the pain in them. For some reason I do. I can see behind the smiles they put on their face yet I can also discern the pain in their hearts and minds and want to give them hope for a future.
My goal in life is to never miss an opportunity to tell someone how special they are to me and how much I love them and just ask that question, "how ya REALLY doin' today?" We never really know what tomorrow brings do we? Living in the moment you might say.
Okay. My first blog is done. Whew. Wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Thanks for reading.
The risky part for me is that I am not one to want to disclose these what used to be shameful events in my life. The wonderful part is that I do not find these events in my life to be shameful any longer. It has made me who I am. So it is time to rejoice in that! Thanks for reading. Janie