Picture of Janie

Picture of Janie

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Here's some real talk from me. I'm new to this blog sight, so bear with me. I must admit it's a little on the scary side. Real Talk is my blog title, and that is what you will get. I can only hope it helps someone else out there.

The word that comes to mind is "Authentic." One of Webster's definitions is "true to one's own personality, spirit or character".

One can not hide nor run from who they are and what they have lived through in life. It makes us who we are. I for one have been through many trials in my 57 years. For example, married for 33 years to a very abusive man.. Co-led a group for women in abusive relationships for several years. Finding myself right back in an abusive relationship after divorcing my husband. (looking at that one for sure) and FINALLY making the decision to divorce after my four children had flown the nest.

Two of my adult children have been addicts, and both have had two suicide attempts. One of them, my youngest daughter, is still on a methadone treatment plan and has been for over 6 years, and has been involved with her significant other who is very abusive and I feel is a narcissus.She has one child and he gets to see how abusive men treat women and has started to act out the same behavior. I am not here to pass judgment on this man she has chosen but these are just the facts. He has beat her severely on many occasions and constantly has hurtful abusive comments flown her way. I have had him arrested at one time for knocking her unconscious. Thank God I am in the "letting go" process and knowing she is the one to make the decision to leave. Believe me, I know the pattern.

My youngest brother died from alcoholism in his early 40's. I am a recovering alcoholic and have depression/anxiety disorders. As a result of pushing all of those tragic events undercover found great relief for numbing the pain I was in. When one stuffs, it always comes out physically, mentally and emotionally. It is now time to face life on life's terms without the using of alcohol and begin to acknowledge what Janie is feeling andwhen she is feeling. Scary thing for me since I've been doing the other most of my entire life. Therapy has helped with that....

I just receive a d.u.i. and my next court date is December 29th. I am, of course not sure of what the outcome will be, but that's another one of those things I put in my basket at God's feet and ask for His grace and mercy, which does not mean I am not taking full responsibility for my bad choices and the consequences that go along with those bad choices.

I am involved with A.A. and N.A. and acts of service. I have a good spiritual life with my Higher Power which I choose to identify as God, and He has helped me and continues to do so every waking minute of my day.

I do not say all of this to get pity from anyone. I certainly do not pity myself. I am just letting you know just a little about this Tennessee woman who is now living in Minnesota with her daughter and family. Many changes have taken place in my life and I for one do NOT like change. But, this has been very good for me. It has saved me from myself. It has saved my life.

My theory in life is honesty is the best policy; not only to yourself but to others. How can we live while we deceive ourselves and live in a pretend/fantasy world? I require that of myself and desire that from those around me.

I love people. Can't help it. Maybe it's some co-dependent thing in me, but I have always been drawn to the underdog who no one notices the pain in them. For some reason I do. I can see behind the smiles they put on their face yet I can also discern the pain in their hearts and minds and want to give them hope for a future.

My goal in life is to never miss an opportunity to tell someone how special they are to me and how much I love them and just ask that question, "how ya REALLY doin' today?" We never really know what tomorrow brings do we? Living in the moment you might say.

Okay. My first blog is done. Whew. Wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Thanks for reading.

The risky part for me is that I am not one to want to disclose these what used to be shameful events in my life. The wonderful part is that I do not find these events in my life to be shameful any longer. It has made me who I am. So it is time to rejoice in that! Thanks for reading. Janie


  1. Jane, thanks for sharing some very intimate parts of your life with us. I know that it took a lot of courage but it sounds as though you have a grip on the pulse of your life. Many individuals are afraid and will never take a good look in the mirror to see who they have become. However, I beleive that unless you are willing to look and be honest with yourself then there is no room to grow. A person must "be willing to be distrubed" before enlightenment truely arrives. Many times we tip toe around in life and will not peel back the layers to see the deep emotion that drives us to do the things we do in life. I love your honesty and courage. I believe in you and I know that you have what it takes to change what you can and put boundaries around the things you can't change. I love you and will be praying for your continued enlightment. May you always suprise yourself on this life's journey.

  2. Congrats on this exciting new chapter in your life Janie! I am following you via Google. Eventually we'll get you linked into Networked Blogs - look them up on FB and see if you can figure that out. It's a great marketing tool for bloggers. Also, remember to post your blog link on Authentic Blogger FB page - Marty and I would love to see you posting there! You "done good" sister, to throw out a Tennessee-ism! ;-) Keep it up - I think you're going to love blogging.

    ~ Dawn

  3. Can't tell you how much it means to get such positive support and feedback for this new writing path I'm on and always have wanted to do. Thanks so much. Jane

  4. Jane, I am now following you. That said, I admire the brave heart you possess to post such personal things. I have a hard time with exposing myself on my blog, but I try from time to time. One thing I promised myself while reading your post, "I will be there to support and help, pray for you and love you." :)

    P.S. I am slightly concerned that a Minnesotan would use a Tennessee-ism, but given how long you lived there, I will not criticize it. I might make fun occassionaly :)

  5. thanks so much for you following my blogs. for some odd reason i don't mind exposing all the "ugly" parts of my life for they are a part of me and my journey that's led me to where i am. and just maybe it will help someone else along their path. who knows? guess you get to be my age and you just don't give a damn what anyone thinks anymore. jane

  6. Lisa,
    Sat down to check to see if there were any comments on the blog I left today, and noticed that I had not thanked you for the comment you left on "Authentic." Thank you for your positive feedback and encouraging words. I liked your ending statement: "may you always surprise yourself on this life's journey." Thanks for your love and prayers. Jane

  7. Jane, how is it that I didn't find your blog until just the other day?? I am so excited to keep reading you - I feel like someone with your life's experiences has so much to teach. You are a strong woman!

  8. Jenn,
    I am thrilled that you found me and posted a comment which I am so flattered. At times I do not feel like a strong woman, but I've been told that by my sisters, cousins/friends for years so perhaps I'm stronger than I think. I have traveled some difficult roads in life and that's for sure.
    I am a twin, so my sister was the larger of us when born; she was 6lbs as I was 4lbs. I was breech, and my Mama tells me that if I had not been born first I would have possibly died. That haunted me for years, UNTIL, I was given this book by my daughter-in-law after leaving my husband, I think it was entitled, "In The Mean Time," and in it she had a section she wrote on your personal birthing experience. It didn't speak specifically about the type of birthing exp. I had, but out of that a thought came to mind that in deed, for me to have struggled, pushed and come out of my Mother's womb first, I must have been a pretty strong little thing! Which led me to also tell Janie, "you are a strong little thing girl." I'll never forget that.
    Not sure how you didn't find my blog, but I am certainly glad you did. I've started reading yours and am enjoying the honesty in your writings. Keep up the good work. Janie