We are in the season of Winter right now. So much snow on the ground and very cold. I do believe I'm finally accepting this cold weather in Minnessota where I reside now. Acceptance is good.
As I was driving to Mankato with my daughter, son-in-law and my three grandchildren yesterday I was peering out the window of our van and was reminded that during the winter you can see all those details of the landscape around you that you miss during the other seasons. This got me to remembering those days as a child when my twin sister and I would go exploring in the woods of Tennessee and I loved being able to see what was at my feet and all around me. We even discovered an old abandoned shack. Now that was exciting for a nine year old!
I do believe during those winter seasons of our life's that God wants to expose to us certain areas and deal with. I for one am taking a look at how I have sabotaged myself my entire life. Recently my therapist reminded me to be careful of not sabotaging myself, something I already knew I did but was grateful for the reminder.
I'm not trying to play junior psychologist here, but taking a look back into my childhood I grew up with a remarkable twin who could touch her hands to anything and everything and succeed. She was a cheerleader, the only freshman on the volley ball team and the best spiker. Her body was made for dancing and she excelled at that. She could walk into a room and her very presence would just draw people to her. I was always the shy twin and felt invisible. She wasn't afraid to try anything new, and I on the other hand was afraid to try anything at all in fear I wouldn't succeed and I would fail. This followed me throughout my life in so many areas. I would even sabotage myself to lose with her to make her happy.
There were 2 different situations I remember so well. One was our 7 year birthday party. She even won at "pin the tail on the donkey." Give me a break! It was my birthday too.The other was a drawing at one of the clothing stores we shopped at and she dropped her name in the box, and guess what??? She won the dress.
Thank God we are now older and enjoy each other's differences and embrace them. We do not hesitate to say out loud praises when we see something wonderful in each other.
Other memories cropped up for me as well. When starting a new job, I was always filled with fear and anxiety. When I got to the point of knowing my job well, I excelled at it and performed whatever duties with excellence. However, I always had a hard time when being recognized for my abilities and it was me they were recognizing.
The conclusion is that I want God during these "winter seasons" of my life to expose those areas that I may be aware of and may not be, and to only walk in His perfect plan for my life where there is always success.