Whew! This has been a most difficult past two weeks. It all started with my sponsor/friend having a stroke and she is recovering very well, which I am very grateful for. One of my co-workers that I have developed a close friendship with, her sister died last week unexpectedly. On top of all of that, my Mama is in the hospital, as most of my f.b. buds are aware of. She and my sisters live in the Atlanta area, so I rely on updates from my youngest sister who is their caretaker, seeing they are both near 80 and both are not in good health. The update yesterday was that a mass was discovered under her shoulder and there will be more tests ran to get the results on the mass. More scans need to be done, however, she has this metal device implanted in her back under her skin to help alleviate some of the pain from her back surgeries and her degenerative arthritis, so they will have to remove this device in order to continue with further c.t.'s etc.
I said all of the above to say that I had a SLIP yesterday. Yep, fell off the old wagon. My friend from work wanted me to drive with her to her therapists, which I did. I am so full of emotions/feelings right now, and I'm doing what I think to be my best in this area but obviously yesterday I wasn't. After all, that is one of the areas I am not in touch with enough.
I walked over to this restaurant next door and ordered me a glass of wine while she was in her session. In the past, I never feel too badly about the decision to do this, but it's always the after effects of shame, remorse and guilt that grip my soul. I chose evil over good. That's the long and short of it; plain and simple truth. I used the circumstances that have come my way as an excuse, but never the less they are excuses.
Even though I haven't seen most of my fellow bloggers, or f.b. buds face to face, I needed to not only confess this in writing and to God, and of course and ask for His forgiveness. It is good for my soul.
I posted some quotes today on f.b. and one of them reads as follows:
"COURAGE IS WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND UP AND SPEAK. COURAGE IS ALSO WHAT IT TAKES TO SIT DOWN AND LISTEN." Sir Winston Churchill
I need to do more listening.
"IF YOU HAVE MADE MISTAKES, EVEN SERIOUS ONES, THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER CHANCE FOR YOU. WHAT WE CALL FAILURE IS NOT THE FALLING DOWN BUT THE STAYING DOWN." Mary Pickford
One last thing. In the local St. James newspaper, "The PLAINDEALER," they published yesterday under Court Reports/Misdemeanors as follows:
"Barbara Jane Haislip, 57, DWI-operating motor vehicle with alcohol concentration .08 within two hours...fine $605.00.
Oh well, that's a good thing. I need to be reminded of what I did and pay the consequences that goes along with that.