Picture of Janie

Picture of Janie

Monday, February 15, 2010

Where Have I Been?

I just completed working my fourth step in my "Gentle Path Through The 12 Steps." The last page was for a time of reflection on the fourth step. I've been stuck there. This step wants me to record my reactions to facing my own loneliness. I know I must complete this part, but something has been holding me back.

At the top of the page there is a writing from Henry Nouwen/Reaching Out, that I have used on occasion on facebook. "The difficult road is the road of conversion, the conversion from loneliness into solitude. Instead of running away from our loneliness and trying to forget or deny it, we have to protect it and return it into a fruitful solitude. To live a spiritual life, we must first find the courage, but also a strong faith. As hard as it is to believe that the dry, desolate desert can yield endless varieties of flowers, it is equally hard to imagine that our loneliness is hiding unknown beauty. The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play."

This was Valentine's weekend as we all know. The kids have gone out of town and I was here "alone." I must say, it wasn't an easy weekend for me, and I admit to NOT enjoying the "solitude" but just allowed myself to feel the loneliness.

These feelings of loneliness have been clinging to me like a grave cloth these last couple of weeks. I do believe there has been some things surfacing in me, or that need to be surfaced in me that I'm not allowing to take place. So, for me the best place to begin is to ask God to reveal those things to me, just in layers please and thank you....like peeling the layers off an onion...one at a time.

To be perfectly honest I have been frightened of posting anything but "happy thoughts or feelings" which have not been at the forefront. And THEN, I discovered "justbereal" blog sight, and I so enjoyed her candor about her journey and writing about it so honestly. We all have our stories to tell about our paths and the process of healing of our past. I think I went to at least five or six of her past blogs and commented on every one of them! I could relate to everything she wrote about! It somehow helped me for the moment.

So, to end this on a positive note, I am so grateful for all the bloggers I have been privileged to take a peek into their lives. I love it when we can take each others hand and walk along our paths together in this journey of life. And yes, I still need to finish this final page on my fourth step in facing my loneliness.


  1. :-) "clinging to me like a grave cloth" - I like that line, and the more I think of it, the more significance it has. So many things do cling to us in that way when they are weights that we would rather be rid of! In talking of spiritual matters, we think of death/hell at total separation from God, but Jesus offers life. Perhaps these things that cling to us "like a grave cloth" are reminding us and trying to pull us into a place of spiritual death. But thank Heaven! Jesus does indeed offer life. Here's to praying His power will help to release you of anything that clings to you and brings shadows and death to your life when He wants you to have light and life!

    And the petition to have things revealed "just in layers please"... I definitely understand that. And I think He does only send us or teach us what we can handle at the time. Praying for you, as always!

  2. I love what you said concerning the grave cloth,..."clinging to us what we would rather be rid of." Reminding us that a spiritual death is not what God intends, but His intentions are to offer life! May I continue to walk in His light and love and bring this to others. This takes on a whole new meaning for me.
    I do believe that God knows each one of us so distinctly, what we can handle...a little at a time. He is so patient and compassionate to His children, and I am one of them as you are Ruth. I always know you are praying for me as I pray for you. Thank you dearest friend. Janie

  3. I believe if you get sad thoughts and feelings the worst thing is to keep them inside... only when you take them out of your heart and place them somewhere else you will be able to feel lighter, emotionally... Because when yuo write about it or paint it or sing it (whatever is better for you) you see it in a different perspective, you get rid of them, you let them out... If you don't talk about it, they stay inside and keep growing till they burst out and it is way worse.

    The Colors Magazine

  4. Lena, I couldn't agree with you more on this...that's why I entitled my blog sight "Real Talk." I was raised hearing the words from my father, "children are to be seen, not heard." Continued that cycle with no voice for 33 years in an abusive marriage, helped lead a support group for abused women and in doing this I knew we have to get it out in some way....the truth about what is going on inside and around us in order to set it and ourselves free. thanks for your input and stopping by to read my post. Janie