Picture of Janie

Picture of Janie

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Keeping The Light On

I woke up this morning feeling rather peaceful in light of yesterday's happenings with my youngest daughter Hannah and her boyfriend/father of my BEAUTIFUL grandson Shannon.

Yesterday my day started off with five phone calls while I was working at the Animal shelter from Hannah. She was crying very hard, so hard I could barely understand what she was saying. I began to ask her all the questions a mother would ask; "what's wrong sweetie?" "Are you okay?" Her answer was "NO, I'm not okay Mama." She then began to give me Her story (and there's always a story) that the electricity was about to be cut off that day and could I wire her $100.00. I had just gotten paid that day, which I didn't tell her, and could have sent her the money, but I remember the past promises of paying me back and never seeing the money. So, I decided to play the "tough love" thing and tell her I just didn't have the money to wire her right now. There are reasons for this.

I am a part time employee on a minimum pay scale, court fees to pay, car insurance I just got reinstated to pay, monies I pay to Liz and Phil every payday etc. etc. However, the co-dependent mom I was over a year ago in Atlanta would have given her the money I'm sure and never expect her to pay me back. The money she has always asked for in the past was never for what she said she was asking it for. It was usually for drugs or alcohol. The last straw for me is when I gave her my debit card while living in Atlanta to go and buy the baby juice, diapers, cereal, all that stuff my little Shannon needed. I found out in just a few days while making some purchases using my debit card, there was no money in my checking account. And at that time there was over a $1,000. Hard lesson for me to learn. I have this problem...I always want to believe that she is telling me the truth. Plant stupid on this girl's forehead!

She then preceded to call my daughter Liz and pose the same request to her. Liz gave her the same reply mixed in with empathy for the dilemma she was in.Hannah hung up on her in the midst of the conversation. This second denial of money resulted in more phone calls and leaving nasty voice mails on Liz's cell phone. I MEAN NASTY! We both then got phone calls from her boyfriend telling us to NEVER call their number again. Keep in mind this boyfriend has never had a job in the 7 years I have known him, and he is 32 years old!

Liz also spoke to the boyfriends grandmother who stays in touch with us, and she confirmed everything we already knew.

Their behavior and choices are affecting little Shannon also. I will not go into all of that, but just imagine two bi-polar parents on a methadone treatment plan for 7 years, on drugs alcohol, constant raging going on, and the toxic environment that my wee one has to live under. In light of this, Liz who is now angry, concerned for Shannon, decides she is going to get in touch with Children Services, the school or who ever she can to report what is taking place in this house they live in.

As we sit and have our family meeting after dinner last night Phil and I allow Liz to rant and rave, get those angry feelings out of her and then I responded.

I reminded Liz of when my oldest son was into the drug scene, had his two suicide attempts, I read a book on the "Hurting Parent." My thinking was that this would be a book that would have sympathy for us hurting parents being tormented by our children. It wasn't. It was about showing God's love even in the midst of the nightmare you were living with. I'm not certain if it was in this book or another, but I remember reading somewhere that "you should always keep the light on." For me that meant I had to draw some lines with both of these children during those nightmarish times, but find ways to SHOW love to them. With Kris, my oldest, he loved my homemade biscuits. So, when he would come home after days of partying, I would bake for him. He didn't want to hear any words from me. I was his enemy. But I could keep that light on my demonstrating acts of love. At this time as you might know he hasn't spoken to me in over a year. But, I'm still keeping that light on for when he does come around. For Hannah, she always had a problem of sleeping alone. She would love to come and crawl under the covers with me and we would sleep wrapped in each others arms. I would lie there and just smell of her..keeping my light on and taking whatever I could get from her.

I suggested to Liz for us to all pray about the situation and just "sit on it" over the weekend. She did calm down and agreed to that.

My last phone call from Hannah last night was to tell me to never call her again, she was removing me from her life. I responded to her, "Well, Hannah, that is your decision, I love you." I've got to keep that light on in the window for when she returns to me again.


  1. Tough situation to deal w/, Jane. Every family has at least one person, if not many, who struggle with chemical addition or mental illness. I've dealt with it in our family many times and it never gets easy to be the strong person in the mix. Sending you support and love.

    ~ Dawn

  2. It does sound like a very tough situation to deal with. But Jane, it sounds to me like you are absolutely doing the right thing. The tough thing about "tough love" is how difficult it is on you, but it is the right path.

    I too have seen this type of situation in my own family, and by giving in time & again, we saw it was only enabling the person to continue on the wrong path.

    Finding a way to 'keep the light on' is truly a wonderful way to show your love!

  3. Thanks Dawn and Bernadine for your support and love. I've got to stop "airing" my frustrations" on f.b. It seems to help me just get it out there. Jane

  4. Hey Janie, I'm sorry all this is happening with your family... I can't imagine what it would be like to be a parent in such a tough situation, but I think your decision to leave the light on is a good one. Though God hates what we do sometimes, He always leaves us an opporunity to turn from our ways and return to Him. It amazes me how patient He is when people are betraying Him and ignoring His efforts to help. I am so glad He left the light on for me. I'll be praying that your daughter one day turns from her ways and experiences that overwhelming love and gratitude that you and God left the light on for her to come back! Hope you are doing okay with the pain you must be feeling right now!

  5. Thanks so much Ruth for your concern and your prayers. At this moment I'm feeling much sadness for her and my grandson also. There's not really any anger there....just the feeling I need to cry. You are a faithful friend indeed. love, Jane

  6. Ruth, By the way, I'm making slow progress with "Wrestling Prayer." I'm now on page 27-but at least I'm picking it up and reading.

  7. Janie,

    I'm so sorry for your situation. You are officially on my prayer lists. I know there are always two sides to every story, and I will pray that the Lord will help in the best way.

    I admire your decisions, and just send me a message anytime you feel the need to talk. I'll be glad to help in anyway I can!

    Praying always,


  8. That's so kind of you Marty. It means a lot to me. I know you would be there to lend an ear if I need one :). Janie

  9. Thank you for your honesty in sharing. You have a great blog here. Will be back to read more. Thank you for your recent comments on mine. Blessings.

  10. Thank you J.B.R. for stopping by to take a peek. Can't tell you enough how I enjoyed your posts and your honest. Janie