Picture of Janie

Picture of Janie

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Touchy Subjects

I am going to be writing about what might be a touchy subject for some. It's one of those "scary" topics, those "I really don't want to think about topics."

I think something a f.b. friend made a comment on today is what spurred my thinking on the topic of "depression." Yea, the BIG "D" WORD.

There are those of us, who if feeling a little on the blue side, can just force themselves to sing and smile, and pretty soon it is a good day. However, there are those of us who suffer from this mental disease or know of those who are close to them that do, and finally realize it's not just a mood we are in at the moment. I know this is personally true for myself. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I always felt sad, even in grade school. I didn't want to feel this way. I definitely felt like the odd ball in the crowd, but didn't dare share the dark thoughts I had going on in my head most of the time. A novelist by the name of William Styronhas likened his depression to a storm in his brain, punctuated by thunderclaps of thought, self-critical, fearful, despairing. Yep! That was me.

I took the time to look up on the web how many famous people out there who suffered with this horrible mental disease. Of course we all know about the great President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, and the list goes on and on. Adam Duritz, lead singer for Counting Crows, Amy Tan, Chinese American writer who witnessed her grandmother committing suicide and believed that she, her grandmother and mother all had suffered from depression. Ashley Judd, Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Joel, Brian Wilson, Diana, Princess of Wales, Dick Cavett, Drew Carey, Emma Thompson, Harrison Ford, Heath Ledger, J.K. Rowling, author of Harry Potter, Jim Carey, John Denver, Kurt Cobain, Mike Wallace-Newscaster, Rodney Dangerfield, Sheryl Crowe, Tennessee Williams/American Playwright, Vincent Van Goh, Winston Churchill.

I'm sure you have gotten my point. You don't know how many times I have prayed that God would heal me of this disease. There are times when it feels to be crippling to me. After all, "By His Stripes We Are Healed." But then I remember, His Grace Is Sufficient for Me.

One last thing I would like to say. I for one do not want to have this depression thing. I want it gone yesterday. Some days are better than other days. But this I do know, My God is aware of me, and knew me from my Mother's womb and numbers the very hairs of my head. HE KNOWS!

I think I probably had to write this perhaps more for me this time. I needed just to get it out there, especially in light of that dark cloud has been following me around the last couple of weeks. I appreciate your love and patience with me.



  1. Hi Jane, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this difficult subject. I know sharing can be so hard sometimes, and I know that once it's out there, it can feel like such a relief!

    Any lingering problem (physical illness, mental illness, besseting sin, outward trial, etc.), seems to give Christians lots of questions. Some point to God's promises that He heals and that He rewards the righteous. Others jump in with reminders from Jesus and the apostles that we WILL have tribulation and experience suffering in this world where trouble rains on the just and the unjust. It's all an effort to find some answers, but I think the first and most important task is trusting God that He is doing what is best for whatever reason He choses. And it makes me so glad to see that you do indeed trust Him. If you have prayed for healing and He chooses not to heal, He must have His reasons. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers!!! I hope writing your "real talk" can help you, and feel free to get in touch if you ever need to.

  2. Thought I had posted a response back to you but they seem to disappear at times. But, wanted to say a thank you for such encouraging words and I do trust Him even when at times I'm frustrated while trusting. I will take you up on your offer of getting in touch if I need to. Thanks for reaching out with such love and compassion. Jane

  3. You are very welcome! I have been so blessed by the fellowship and ministry that I think God has been putting in my life through blogging. It's encouraging to know all of us are out there somewhere, apart but somehow still fighting together because we're fighting in Him!

  4. Dear Jane:

    Thank you for sharing your personal story with us. I also suffer from long-term severe depression; probably since I was about 18 years old. My mother, 4 aunts, cousins, brother and now our children all have this horrible and chronic disease. Those that don't have depression just can't understand (my husband for one) why we don't just get out of our down mood.

    I feel that God has given me this journey for a reason, I'm not quite sure what the reason is at this time, but am assured that there is something I can learn from it.

    Through the years I have been both on and off of anti-depressants. While off I was miserable and so sad that I couldn't function. I am not a person that likes to take pills, but I want to live. I thought that I could just make myself get out of my funk so I didn't ask for help for years; however I am now, and forever will be, on anti-depressants. At this moment I have a very close family member that couldn't afford their anti-depressants, wouldn't ask for help and they have spent the past 10 days currently in the hospital under suidice watch.

    Depression is nothing to mess with so if your article helps just one person get the help they need then your post was worth sharing.

    I'm so glad that we aren't alone in this journey...

    Warm regards,

  5. Marie,
    You have made my day with your comments! This is not to say that your suffering with depression "makes my day," but just knowing that someone else out there does understand.
    I always felt that "dark cloud of depression" even as a young child and then when adolescence hit it really kicked in. I have been on anti-depressants for over 15 years myself, and like you never liked taken meds. I would usually have to make myself take a pain reliever for a headache.
    My family origin on both sides/maternal and paternal have this in their background along with addiction and suicide. I have two children as I have probably written about that suffer with this and have both attempted suicide twice. It is NOT something to be taken lightly. But, like you, I do believe that God does have a purpose for this thorn in my flesh and if only to reach out to people who are afflicted with the same disease,but to be of some help and give understanding. And as you stated, I am so glad, so grateful that we are not alone in this journey. Thanks again so much. Jane

  6. Jane I just found your blog through Ruth's blog (isn't she fantastic??) and just wanted to comment here as I also suffer from Depression and Anxiety.

    I look forward to reading more of your blog.

  7. Ruth is fantastic and I have much admiration in her walk with God and who she is as a woman. I would love to know more about your journey and how you have coped with this Depression and Anxiety disorder. Thanks for commenting. janie

  8. I have coped well at times and not well at times Janie. I am using medication - without that I don't know where I'd be today.

    Parts of my journey with depression and anxiety are on my blog, parts are not. No real reason I suppose, well... some I just don't feel up to sharing yet. ;)

  9. I am in the same boat with ya friend, also using meds to help. what would we do w/o them?? I apologize if I stepped over your boundaries, no need to share anything you are not ready to. This area of our life's are not easy ones. janie

  10. No you certainly haven't, don't worry! I was just thinking it's such a long story really, it was a bit too hard to put down here in a comment!

  11. Mine is such a longggg story too, and I understand completely. It's wonderful getting to know you. Ah Ha! That reminds me of that song back in the late 50's early 60's that my Mom and Dad would sing to us on road trips.
    "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.....

  12. oh yea, had a brain fart, the other part of the song was, "getting to like you, hoping you like me too."

  13. Is that from a musical Jane? I know that one too. :)

  14. It most likely was coming from that era, but I can't remember exactly. My Mom and Dad loved music and dancing and always had albums around that were from musicals. I loved the Camelot album they had and would play that one over and over.