I am going to be writing about what might be a touchy subject for some. It's one of those "scary" topics, those "I really don't want to think about topics."
I think something a f.b. friend made a comment on today is what spurred my thinking on the topic of "depression." Yea, the BIG "D" WORD.
There are those of us, who if feeling a little on the blue side, can just force themselves to sing and smile, and pretty soon it is a good day. However, there are those of us who suffer from this mental disease or know of those who are close to them that do, and finally realize it's not just a mood we are in at the moment. I know this is personally true for myself. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I always felt sad, even in grade school. I didn't want to feel this way. I definitely felt like the odd ball in the crowd, but didn't dare share the dark thoughts I had going on in my head most of the time. A novelist by the name of William Styronhas likened his depression to a storm in his brain, punctuated by thunderclaps of thought, self-critical, fearful, despairing. Yep! That was me.
I took the time to look up on the web how many famous people out there who suffered with this horrible mental disease. Of course we all know about the great President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, and the list goes on and on. Adam Duritz, lead singer for Counting Crows, Amy Tan, Chinese American writer who witnessed her grandmother committing suicide and believed that she, her grandmother and mother all had suffered from depression. Ashley Judd, Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Joel, Brian Wilson, Diana, Princess of Wales, Dick Cavett, Drew Carey, Emma Thompson, Harrison Ford, Heath Ledger, J.K. Rowling, author of Harry Potter, Jim Carey, John Denver, Kurt Cobain, Mike Wallace-Newscaster, Rodney Dangerfield, Sheryl Crowe, Tennessee Williams/American Playwright, Vincent Van Goh, Winston Churchill.
I'm sure you have gotten my point. You don't know how many times I have prayed that God would heal me of this disease. There are times when it feels to be crippling to me. After all, "By His Stripes We Are Healed." But then I remember, His Grace Is Sufficient for Me.
One last thing I would like to say. I for one do not want to have this depression thing. I want it gone yesterday. Some days are better than other days. But this I do know, My God is aware of me, and knew me from my Mother's womb and numbers the very hairs of my head. HE KNOWS!
I think I probably had to write this perhaps more for me this time. I needed just to get it out there, especially in light of that dark cloud has been following me around the last couple of weeks. I appreciate your love and patience with me.